Today, I found myself pondering again what I have thought about a few times since Landon was born: do I want another child?
Landon was only months old when family members and friends started to ask about the second child, and a lot of my mom friends seem to be having the second child now or are pregnant or working towards it. Not us.
Thankfully, I don’t have a huge urge to have another one, although I loved being pregnant and had such a wonderful drug-free birth experience.
I say thankfully because I can imagine wanting another child really badly and not being able to have another one because of finances or because of problems to conceive or other reasons must be heartbreaking.
I’m happy with just one child. I think I am too practical to let myself dream of another child. Being pregnant a second time and having a second child would mean I am out of commission again work-wise for another year or longer, and that is if everything goes well during the pregnancy.
(I was on disability for extreme nausea for two months when pregnant with Landon but after that worked from home part-time until he was born.)
I would want to breastfeed the baby on demand again like I did for Landon, so I would have no time to do much the first year but be there for the baby and Landon.
I strongly believe in attachment parenting, so I would wear the baby a lot, co-sleep with him or her, and all that means that I am again mostly the person taking care of the baby.
And the fact is that we need two incomes living here in Westchester, NY.
My mother-in-law would love us to have another child; she in fact thinks it would be the best for Landon. I keep pointing out that we can provide well for Landon but that having another child would be tough financially.
Her answer to that is: “Once you have another child, the money will be there, you’ll see.” She had four children and was a stay-at-home mother, but unfortunately times have changed dramatically.
Nowadays you really need two incomes to get by. I think it is irresponsible to have another child and to think that the money to raise it will just magically appear.
I wish I had the luxury to just be home with my child/children, but I have to work. Even though I work from home, I am just now able to work more hours again and to spend time increasing my blog and editing business, 2 ½ years after Landon’s birth.
Inevitably, this question comes up: is it selfish to only have one child? I don’t think so. Is it selfish to want to have time to grow my business I am so passionate about, my mommy blog, and my other passion, my editing business, instead of having another child?
Staying up until 1 every morning blogging (it will be almost 2 by the time I finish this article) and editing is not selfish in my book.
Sharing my thoughts about being a mother is what fulfills me almost as much as being a mother — it makes me a more content person and therefore a better wife and mother.
I work when Landon takes his nap, when Don takes him for many hours (thank you, Sweets), and when both of them are sleeping.
I could make really good money working as a full-time editor, and I know I would enjoy it and we could use the money, but I don’t believe in having a child and then putting him or her into daycare for the whole day so I can work out of the house.
Doing that would be selfish because it isn’t what is best for the child. I rather deny myself (and my child) a few luxuries and work when I can from home so I am here for him.
Landon loves little babies, but so far he has never asked for a brother or a sister.
We moved to Westchester so he can grow up with all his cousins, who he sees and plays with every week (the youngest is 3 ½ years older than him). I also make a point to schedule playtime with children his age so he gets to interact and learn with/from them.
Having just him is making this possible; those frequent playdates would be a thing of the past if I had another child. Plus, his weekly music class, which he loves so much, would not be in our budget anymore.
If we win the lottery, I might change my tune, but I think Landon will grown up an only child.
I have such a wonderful relationship with him, and he is turning out to be such a caring, funny, and gentle little man, I want to focus on him and not have to divide my attention between him and another sibling/s. I am going to have fun shopping for baby clothes — for all my friend’s new babies, not mine.
I came across a great article on Babble.com about this topic — take a look at Jeanne Sager’s “Why I Don’t Want A Second Child.”
Why are you just having one child? Why did you decide to have more than one? I would love to read your comments.